On being totawwy awone

[shadesong]

So yendi's out of town.

I don't do well when yendi's out of town.

I'm fine during the day, mind. It's nighttime that freaks me out. I came home from the movie last night and pretty much searched the house, heart pounding. And I was unable to settle down. It took me forever to get to sleep.

I thought that it would be easier in this house. I mean, I have PTSD in general. But the old house had been broken into twice... so it felt Very Unsafe.

This house isn't Unsafe. New place. Different neighborhood. Very open street corner (the old house was very tree-shrouded). The odds that someone would even try to break in are low. I mean, really, the odds of home invasion anywhere are fairly low. But this is a pretty safe neighborhood.

But I can't sleep.

I used to ask people to sleep over when yendi was out of town. I want to try to not need that. Just... on edge.

Comments

[nukewolf.livejournal.com]

Have you considered a home security system? I don't know if it would help you feel safer, but it'll definitely help you be safer when you're home alone...

[photognome.livejournal.com]

Never forget that you have an attack gnome a couple blocks away :-)

*hugs*

[talix18.livejournal.com]

I want to try to not need that.

What you don't need is constant, low-level anxiety. If you have people you love to spend time with willing to hang out for a night or two, why not? I say anything that makes life easier or more fun without making anyone unmanageable is good stuff.

The older I get, the better I am at saving my strength for when I really need it. Just don't make yourself any crazier than necessary. *hugs*

[harold3.livejournal.com]

I don't know your views on firearms but maybe having something there to protect yourself with would comfort you. You don't have to go all dirty hairy or anything or buy a pistol. You can purchase a relativley cheap 16gauge shotgun then purchase bean bag rounds. If it's for home protection and nothing else you shouldn't need much more and it's non-lethal. (So long as you fire at least 20 feet from the person, but if you have to shoot closer.. well thats their lookout not yours).

I'm a big supporter of homes having firearms. I realize it's not for everybody as some people have a moral objection to 'em. But their good to have around the house.

As for not wanting to have to have people come over? Why not? Friends are always good to have around. Grab a bottle of das comet and play "the great dal mootie" all night long.

[nomadmwe.livejournal.com]

Droppen a phonecall or something if you need to chat and distract yerself tonight.

[mishakal.livejournal.com]

Oh hon.

Don't worry. :) I'm proud of you for being so amazingly strong. <3

[random-girl.livejournal.com]

I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD due to 2.5 years in an abusive situation. Of course, the situation was 8 years ago, but I recently had a "relapse" when something normal triggered me and well...I was a mess.

Turns out, though, you can start de-sensitizing yourself to it. So maybe being without Yendi now and again is good because you're sort of pressing the spot that was afflicted and getting all the badness out; each time that the incident comes up it gets less bad, and that, to me, is a good thing.

I hope you sleep better tonight, regardless. I am doing a lot better (but still experiencing a lot of symptoms myself, sadly). However, they are much less than the first time, and radically less than last week.

[nuala.livejournal.com]

I used to ask people to sleep over when Yendi was out of town. I want to try to not need that.

Well, hang on. It's a new house. Whether or not you're trying to not need that crutch, I think you're perfectly allowed to use it in the new house. You've not lived there long at all (if I remember correctly) - call someone. You're allowed a little crutch time in the beginning. :)