![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I was very good today.
Master gave me an order last month that I hated, and I was incredibly bratty about it - and not in the good way. I was angry and resentful and just bad. And this was related to something that I was having difficulty doing. And yeah, Master was not happy about this. Due to the fact that this was during the moving chaos, he told me that we were officially shelving the matter for six months, so we wouldn't end up fighting about it.
He's not much for formal orders. Most of his instructions for me aren't remotely sexual... I'm to take care of myself physically (eating properly, taking my vitamins, not pushing myself to do things that I physically can't handle), make sure I take writing time, etc. Because he knows that sometimes I'll push these things off to the side and concentrate on other-people things. But he's told me what I need to do.
And most of the sexual orders, of which there are very few, I can deal with just fine. There was one he thought I'd take months to manage, but I was very determined and did it in one weekend, and it was a triggery thing and I *did* it, and that's why he took me to Vegas; he felt that I had earned it.
But this one made me all bristly and rebellious. I can't describe, I really can't.
He told me he wouldn't mention it again for six months. Which was more than fair of him; more than I deserved, given my behavior. And he has, of course, been true to this.
It took me some time to cycle down the rebellion.
And today, I did it.
And I've accepted it, and will do it in the future, because Master said so.
And. I am very glad that I did.
Master gave me an order last month that I hated, and I was incredibly bratty about it - and not in the good way. I was angry and resentful and just bad. And this was related to something that I was having difficulty doing. And yeah, Master was not happy about this. Due to the fact that this was during the moving chaos, he told me that we were officially shelving the matter for six months, so we wouldn't end up fighting about it.
He's not much for formal orders. Most of his instructions for me aren't remotely sexual... I'm to take care of myself physically (eating properly, taking my vitamins, not pushing myself to do things that I physically can't handle), make sure I take writing time, etc. Because he knows that sometimes I'll push these things off to the side and concentrate on other-people things. But he's told me what I need to do.
And most of the sexual orders, of which there are very few, I can deal with just fine. There was one he thought I'd take months to manage, but I was very determined and did it in one weekend, and it was a triggery thing and I *did* it, and that's why he took me to Vegas; he felt that I had earned it.
But this one made me all bristly and rebellious. I can't describe, I really can't.
He told me he wouldn't mention it again for six months. Which was more than fair of him; more than I deserved, given my behavior. And he has, of course, been true to this.
It took me some time to cycle down the rebellion.
And today, I did it.
And I've accepted it, and will do it in the future, because Master said so.
And. I am very glad that I did.
