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May 23rd, 2006

shadesong: (Default)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 10:13 am
Like I said, I write mostly in the upper echelons of society - the Talthar Kithrayna and their close associates. The Kirayth are a step down from them, both in prestige and in the strength of their gifts (save Fenris); they're more your everyday sort of person, in terms of how they relate to the Talthar Kithrayna. (In the script for Issue #4, we see one of the Kirayth having a somewhat easy conversation with Donna, but showing extreme deference to Jeramie, who is... less friendly, and makes the most of his position.)

If you're an average person, how do you view the ruler of your House?

One of the things that came out in my writing last night is that Victor, at age 15, as one of those who believe that the Talthar Kithrayna are practically a separate race. Victor uses a phrase not often used: Blood of the Firstborn. The firstborn being Tiala na'Roth, who probably technically is a demigoddess. Tiala was created first, by the gods themselves, and helped them create the first six. It is unknown how long these seven were alone upon the earth before the creation of the rest of the Dasaroi, and what bonds and secrets they share; what is known is that their powers are greater than that of any other Dasaroi.

As time before time was recorded passed, the Houses formed around these seven - and other, lesser Houses formed around others, the second and third circles. Systems of government formed. I go into this in the primer, so I'm not going to go into it here.

The Kithrayn rules your House. By Dasaroi law, he owns you, pretty much; he has the power of life and death over you. (This is why Jeramie can get away with the shit he gets away with - he keeps it in his own House. In the absence of the Lishaya, there is no greater authority over one's house than the Kithrayn.)

Fortunately, for the most part, the Kithrayna don't abuse this power. Jeramie is a separate, and icky, case. But let's look at Kieran as an ideal example. Young, idealistic; raised by Donna since his mother's death, so her ideals rubbed off on him. Kieran does what he ought to do, and doesn't do what he oughtn't. He is a leader and an example; he mediates disputes fairly, seeking advice when needed. He takes the traditional tithe (rulers, work for a living? ha!) from those who can afford it, and accepts goods instead of cash from those who can't. He keeps enough of the money to live comfortably... but the rest gets redistributed. Kieran makes regular donations to the hospital, the Kirayth, and the Library. He'd feel guilty as hell spending money like water and letting the Kirayth barely scrape by.

So you take a guy like that - and you begin to see how Victor can put such faith in him.

And you take a guy like that, powerful and noble, your absolute ruler, destined lover of a demigoddess, and hot as hell, with all that lovely chestnut hair and the ready smile and sapphire-blue eyes and the way he moves when he dances, and you begin to see why Victor was so afraid to approach him about his crush!

...and I'm rambling.
shadesong: (Default)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 10:42 am
And I think part of why my train of thought has gotten so deep into writerbrain is that it's fleeing.

I have so much to do. I'm in one of those states where it feels like I'm standing still and everything is swirling around me. I need to make lists.

Adam remembered to call in my prescriptions. Important, because I may be taking a bit of a detour on the way back to Atlanta, so we're not quite sure when I'll be home, so I really need to be full up on all of the drugs.

Today, I need to buy soap (I hate hotel soap, and if I'm to be in a hotel for a week and maybe more, I am bringing my own damn soap), a little pocket address book (Clie died again - this time permanently, I think), a TracFone* (at CVS, when I pick up my meds)...

I need to get gas and go grocery shopping.

I need to pack and ship all of Elayna's summer clothes.

I need to edit nonfiction stuff, and I don't enjoy writing nonfiction. I accept that I am good at it and that it can bring in money, and 'tisn't fair of me to not do something I can do to potentially bring in money, but it makes me feel like kicking the fireplace and scowling. Ah well. It'll be easier to do on my Boston trip, because then I won't have stuff around the house to distract me.

I am so getting a Campfire Mocha today. Between the UPS store and CVS. I deserve it. Wait, no - I can only have one if I edit or write nonfiction today. Yes. Then I will extra super duper deserve it.

I must now go do stuff.


* Yes, I know I need a Treo, but I can't get one in time for the trip, I don't think, and there are all those cell phone companies and their plans and it is all confusing, and this is just easier, and only costs $20.
shadesong: (Vosges)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 01:15 pm
Vosges is trying to kill me, I swear.

In other chocolate news, I have consumed most of a sleeve of Thin Mints.

What? Writing is hungry work, people!
shadesong: (Sell You All for Experiments)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 06:45 pm
My opinion on NippleGate '06:

If you ban breastfeeding icons, you must also ban icons of anyone...

* drinking coffee
* eating pizza
* consuming any food or drink in any way, dude.

Breastfeeding is not a sex act. Breastfeeding is feeding.

Adam, though not opposed to breastfeeding icons, says that since it does involve partial nudity, there's a distinction between that and just sitting down at a table and eating.

I say that when I was breastfeeding Elayna, I used to do it at the same table as people who were sitting down and eating without them ever raising an eyebrow.

Many states have laws to protect the rights of babies to eat in public, just like everybody else. LJ is apparently more prudish than the US government.

Not having this open to comment, because I don't have enough energy for debate! It's not hard to find a place to talk about it, if you choose to do so.
shadesong: (Boondock/can't believe)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 07:57 pm
So I mentioned in my morning post that my Clie died again, most likely for good.

Guess what?

I totally failed to memory the poll I posted to collect your numbers last time.

So. Give me your phone number in comments! Comments are screened for this purpose. I have a little pocket address book now that I shall bring to Boston...

...and I'll memory this as soon as I post it.
shadesong: (Contemplative)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 11:33 pm
I am drastically uncomfortable in the public eye.

I am continually trying to reconcile this fact with the fact that I have over 850 people reading me on a daily basis.

Most days, I'm fine with it - this is because < 100 of you comment on a regular basis, so my brain tricks me into forgetting what the numbers actually are. And I get a little bit of the life-in-a-fishbowl feeling just from that < 100. In part because this is not a controlled thing. I have friends here, but there can also be random people who just decide that they're part of my life now, and that can freak me out.

That's most days. What happened last week, with the pre-pregnancy post.... the attention on that had me hiding. Linked all over LJ, linked off LJ, and the influx.... I dashed the post off as a quick "rar!" to people who knew me. I ended up having to go over my whole story again and again and again. And again.

I said to [livejournal.com profile] mgrasso over AIM, "I did not ask to be the spokesmodel for this."

I did not ask to be the spokesmodel for anything.

I'm not upset that it got linked; I gave permission. Because it needs to be talked about. It needs to not slip by. And if my putting a face on it helps... that's my responsibility.

I'm just seeing there as being a lot of responsibilities that come from being a capable writer in the public eye, and I didn't sign on for them; I didn't know they existed.

I have always been Out about being a survivor of rape and sexual abuse. That's necessary - the worst thing a rape survivor can do is not talk about it, let it fester. I strongly believe that it is the responsibility of all of us who can talk about it to do so. Just to be there, be visible, so that the girls who come after us know that they are not alone, that this is survivable, that they do not have to surrender their voice, their life.

When I was diagnosed with epilepsy, I found myself nudged into being a support person for that, too. I found myself listed as same on a website about antiseizure meds.

And now this, and a myriad of other things both large and small.

And I'm okay with that. It all falls under the heading of If You Can, You Should.

But I'm having trouble adjusting, reconciling that to the format in which I am "famous".

It's not that I'm shy about being read. I'm a writer. I hope to make a living at that.

But there's a difference between that sort of writing and my life. I feel like I'm not sure if I have a place to retreat to here.

[livejournal.com profile] theferrett was talking today about how he feels that things in his life don't exist to the outside world until he posts about them. Ferrett and I treat our LJs very differently. He writes essays. I ramble about my life. He does write about his personal life, but my LJ is intrinsically more personal than his. It's just the way we work.

I found myself wishing today that my journalling style was more like his. I don't have an offscreen. My life is onscreen. And that's the way my journal is supposed to be; I started it to share the minute and random details of my life with faraway friends. Over time, it's attracted a whole bunch of people I don't know. But that's still its primary purpose. I have a bunch of friends scattered across the world, and this is a hell of a lot more convenient than e-mail!

But I don't quite know how to handle those The Internet Is Staring At Me days. The obvious choices, if I really can't deal with it, would be to delete my LJ or go friends-only. But I don't want to do either of those things. Why? Because, no matter how edgy it gets me sometimes to have all the eyes on me.... having the eyes on me can be a good thing. I raise an average of $5,000 a year for various charities, because I have the readership I have. I can educate about stuff like sexual abuse, like the epilepsy.

Having a large readership enables me to help people. I feel like it would be selfish to turn my back on that.

I need to figure out a balance.

This was not my intent. This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife.

And I say to myself - how did I get here?