My family required that you got good grades. That you did not have as much a right to talk at the dinner table if you got B's. That you were a bad person if you didn't pursue education.
My brother failed out. My sister was valedictorian. I fell somewhere in between. We all rebel against parental expectations. Primarily because as teenagers we're trying to forge our own way in the world.
What I would have liked was someone to support that. Theoretically, these can be pretty fun years of your life. You get trusted with new responsibilities and liberties. You have space to figure out what you think about things (and classes in school emphasize self-analysis). I got sick of being treated like a kid in school, and I learned quickly that straight A's or B's enough to get by so I could do fun stuff were rewarded the same: as if I was untrustable. So why bother to achieve?
I don't have a teenage daughter, so the advice I give is only what I thought would work when I was in high school. Sit down with Elana and ask her what works for her and what doesn't, and then support her in playing to her strengths and exploring her weakenesses SAFELY. Too often people concentrate, not on what we are proud of, but on what we need help with. Yes, that usually does require more effort and time, but resentment breeds there. Teenagers have a ton of people forcing their ideas on them at the same time they are being encouraged to formulate their own. Getting better at things you are not good at is a good idea, and now is the time to do it, but not at the expense of morale, happiness, and a view to the future.
When I was in college, I sat in class, crippled, because I'd gotten a C on a paper for the first time. The lady next to me, a returning student with kids my age, frowned at me and said "Honey, when was the last time a job interviewer asked you what you got on your sixth week of linguistics class paper?"
So, yeah. Talk to Elana. Keep in mind what will really matter in 4 years when she goes to college, and in 10 years when she's out. Let her set the direction, and keep her honest about the direction she set. If she's just plain bad at remembering things, its good to know; now is the time to accept shortcomings and brainstorm ways to work around them. The tools you develop in high school are the tools you are likely to lean on for the rest of your academic career.
no subject
My brother failed out. My sister was valedictorian. I fell somewhere in between. We all rebel against parental expectations. Primarily because as teenagers we're trying to forge our own way in the world.
What I would have liked was someone to support that. Theoretically, these can be pretty fun years of your life. You get trusted with new responsibilities and liberties. You have space to figure out what you think about things (and classes in school emphasize self-analysis). I got sick of being treated like a kid in school, and I learned quickly that straight A's or B's enough to get by so I could do fun stuff were rewarded the same: as if I was untrustable. So why bother to achieve?
I don't have a teenage daughter, so the advice I give is only what I thought would work when I was in high school. Sit down with Elana and ask her what works for her and what doesn't, and then support her in playing to her strengths and exploring her weakenesses SAFELY. Too often people concentrate, not on what we are proud of, but on what we need help with. Yes, that usually does require more effort and time, but resentment breeds there. Teenagers have a ton of people forcing their ideas on them at the same time they are being encouraged to formulate their own. Getting better at things you are not good at is a good idea, and now is the time to do it, but not at the expense of morale, happiness, and a view to the future.
When I was in college, I sat in class, crippled, because I'd gotten a C on a paper for the first time. The lady next to me, a returning student with kids my age, frowned at me and said "Honey, when was the last time a job interviewer asked you what you got on your sixth week of linguistics class paper?"
So, yeah. Talk to Elana. Keep in mind what will really matter in 4 years when she goes to college, and in 10 years when she's out. Let her set the direction, and keep her honest about the direction she set. If she's just plain bad at remembering things, its good to know; now is the time to accept shortcomings and brainstorm ways to work around them. The tools you develop in high school are the tools you are likely to lean on for the rest of your academic career.
Anyway. That got long. My apologies. Good luck!