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Wednesday, April 10th, 2002 07:53 am
So yesterday was just a prescreening visit. I had my blood taken, I peed in a cup, and I answered a whole lot of standardized questions so we could kinda get a baseline on my PTSD symptoms. I'm actually glad this is just a clinical trial and not actual therapy, because the therapist, although very nice, doesn't really seem to know much about these issues - it's like she studied PTSD, but no other aspects of abuse. Not that it was that blatant, it's just a feeling I have. So I don't think this is someone who can help me by the whole talking-therapy thing, but she's adequate to monitor changes in the specific areas she's supposed to monitor changes in.

So this week they'll be running tests on my blood & pee just to make sure I'm not pregnant or on drugs or anything, and next week I get the meds. It *is* a full double-blind study, so *no one* will know what I've been taking until the study has been completed. It's a study involving 600 women nationwide, 10-20 at Emory. And the doctor didn't know if we personally would ever find out what I'd been taking, but we could try to figure it out so I can get more if it works. I figure I'll know if it's Effexor, as the people I know who take it tell me it gives you really bizarre dreams. And to answer Edie's other question.... yes, they phase you off the medication over the course of three weeks, although they can take longer to phase you off if they deem it necessary.

One thing that came out during the interrogation yesterday... distancing yourself from people is a PTSD thing. Which I never knew. I've always done it, so I didn't know where it came from - but when you think about it, I've had PTSD since I was 4, so of course I didn't recognize it. There was a lot of that - her asking me a question, me saying no, then her rephrasing it, and me saying, "Oh, *that*? That's PTSD?" The only things I'd realized for certain were symptoms were the really blatant ones, like depression and hypervigilance, my inability to go anywhere alone... but there's a lot more to it.

So we'll see what happens.
Wednesday, April 10th, 2002 07:51 am (UTC)
see? it's already done you some good -- you learned things were symptoms of PTSD that you didn't know were before. i really hope that if the meds work, they'll be able to figure out what it was you were given. i'm glad they're giving you the decompression time, too -- like i said, their meds don't have the same withdrawal symptoms as Prozac (dude, that shit totally messed me up, for a couple months!), but still. you'll do just fine. i'm so fucking proud of you, man.

(your experience was enlightening for me as well, since i have had therapy for PTSD. even though mine is military service-related (well, mostly, since i'm a rape survivor too), i do the same things you do, 'song -- distance myself from people, can't go anywhere alone... i knew i was a Very Different Person when i came out of the Air Force -- i just didn't realize how different...)
Wednesday, April 10th, 2002 08:08 am (UTC)
She offered me a brochure detailing common PTSD symptoms, but I forgot to take it - I'll pick it up next week, and grab an extra for you. And I know what you mean (obviously) about suddenly realizing *why* you do some of the things you do....