I want a medal now, please.

[shadesong]

Was talking to Mom on the phone, and she asked if I'd thought about allowing Elayna to see my ex-mother-in-law "just once" before she came back up to Atlanta. I said that I definitely did not want Elayna seeing her, as that was a door that should stay closed (as I actually had to threaten this woman with a restraining order to keep her from harassing me via voicemail on an almost-daily basis). Mom said Elayna asks about her all the time (which I doubt). I said, still, it's a bad idea - that part of our life is over.

And Mom says, "I think you're just hurting Elayna for your own selfish reasons."

Okay. This is the mother of the man who emotionally abused me and, once, hit me in front of Elayna. And continued to harass and stalk me after the divorce, the most recent incident being less than two months ago. And his mother eggs him on, and has also harassed me at length. Her voicemail messages are downright nasty, and through them she keeps saying, "Pick up, I know you're there!", indicating that she thinks I still have an answering machine, not voicemail - and if I had an answering machine, Elayna would be hearing every word out of her mouth. Which obviously doesn't matter to her.

And by keeping my daughter out of contact with these people, I'm hurting Elayna for my own selfish reasons.

I want a medal for keeping a level tone of voice as I explained why that was a bad idea and that no, I would not budge in my decision. I want it to be platinum. With semiprecious stones. And I want ice cream. And to not have my mother as a mother anymore, please.

Comments

[m0usegrrl.livejournal.com]

i just hope to Ghu she doesn't just up and decide you don't know what you're doing and arranges a visit anyway... given what i know about the woman, i wouldn't put it past her.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

No, she's promised that she'll abide by my decision... as I've made it clear that if she goes against me on this, *she* loses *her* Elayna privileges.

[azurelunatic]

Oh, good to hear that.

It's nasty to have to do that.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

It is. But I did make it crystal clear that if I'd heard that she'd seen "Grandma Bette" (this woman is *not* blood-related to her), I'd be on the next plane down to get her.


È

[azurelunatic]

The lack of blood relation makes it that much more infuriating that anyone would want that she'd have contact with the old bat.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Right. She's *not* related - Elayna was (*was*) her step-granddaughter. My ex never adopted her, and he never actually did any parenting. And this woman was just a nightmare all the way through... my favorite incident is when she and my ex were babysitting Elayna, they were jumping on the bed, Elayna tried to jump to a chair and instead tore a gash in the back of her head and inch long and a fourth of an inch wide which then bled for TWO AND A HALF HOURS. And they did not take her to the ER. I took her when I got there and saw her head. She required three surgical staples to close the wound.

[azurelunatic]

The only time I've dealt with accidental blood in childcare was when I was babysitting the three neighbor kids, and the four year old cut herself shaving. (Like Mommy -- right on the knee.) I calmed down all concerned, washed it off, inspected it, found it to be a shallow, typical shaving cut, bandaged it, and kissed it all better. The kids were happily in bed when the parents came home, and they put the razor away somewhere secure where it belonged.

But ayeeee! Two and a half hours? I know head wounds and shallow wounds bleed like fury, but---!

(Deliberate blood, of course, was the blood glucose tests.)

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

That sounds like they could've been arrested for child abuse if you had wanted to press it.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Well, it *was* an accident, not intentional - it was just neglectful of them not to treat the injury! But you see why I don't want Miss Kid visiting this person...

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

People suck.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes, they do.

[nomadmwe.livejournal.com]

Not me, they don't. I suppose that's part of why I'm so damn frustrated.....

;)

What?! It sounded like you needed a laugh. *chuckle*

Be firm in this decision, and be well.

*hug*

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

Yes. I will be firm. :)

[gev.livejournal.com]

nice userpic to go with that afFIRMation.
<ahem>

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Quite deliberate, I assure you. :)

[ariedana.livejournal.com]

Some moms have the wonderful tendency to always think that they know exactly what should be done in any given instance and that their childen have no idea. My mom definitely qualifies.

Just hold your ground and maybe make the subject of the ex and his family off-limits for discussion. That's what I had to do.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

I've been holding my ground.... my arms get tired from holding aloft the flaming sword all the time, y'know? :) But yeah, I try to make it off-limits - that doesn't take. :(



È

[azurelunatic]

Hopefully, your mother will abide by your decision?

...the local munchkin doesn't ask about Grandma much. He occasionally cries for her when Mommy and Auntie won't let him have his way about something. He doesn't talk about That Woman. I'm glad.

[yendi]

*hug* You already know how I feel, but I wanted to *hug* you anyway. mousegrrl echoed my concerns about your mom, but I think you're right about her not actually planning on doing it (although they did it at Megacon, which still pisses me off to no end).

[m0usegrrl.livejournal.com]

she did???? i had no idea. damn, that woman's got some nerve...

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Well, at that point, I was waffling. But we have Spoken about that now.

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

::::::::::: ZEN HUGS :::::::::::

I know what you mean about the "What the HELL are you thinking?" with a parent. Thankfully the worst case I had of it with my mother was temporary.

She tried to invite the man who molested me as a child to my wedding. My fiance almost hit her. Literally. And he's not a hitting man. She backed down quickly, but I don't think she ever understood why we were so pissed at her.

You most surely do deserve a medal, love. You really do. You are a fabulous, fabulous Mom. If it weren't for the whole lusting-after-you thing, I might wish I had you for *my* mom, you're that cool. ;)

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, the guy who molested me was at my bat mitzvah. Joy. Fortunately he was dead by the time I got married, so *that's* something I never had to deal with...

*blush* re the lusting....

Here's your medal

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

<*gryn*>

Re: Here's your medal

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Awww... thanks! *hugs*

[crimmycat.livejournal.com]

*big hugs*

hey, if I ever spawn, can I be as cool and wonderful a mom as you?
seriously, for holding your ground, you should get some sort of parenting medal.

I bet it's made of construction paper and elmer's glue and has crayon scribblies all over it.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Oooh! Or elbow macaroni painted gold or silver!


Z

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks! :)
o

[deza.livejournal.com]

You definitely deserve the medal. {hugs}

How 'bout we have an "Insensitive Jerks Who Raised Us" Roast? You bring your mom, I'll bring mine, yendi can bring the lighter fluid...

[ga-sunshine.livejournal.com]

Can I bring my mom? I'm sure she roasts really well!

Re:

[deza.livejournal.com]

The more we bring, the bigger the bonfire...

Re:

[ga-sunshine.livejournal.com]

woot!

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Hee! Yes. That's three moms in the firepit....

Re:

[ga-sunshine.livejournal.com]

Marshmallows! I'll bring those, too!!!!

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

I'll bring the Hershey bars, and deza can bring the graham crackers! :)

[ga-sunshine.livejournal.com]

Hang tough, kiddo. You're THE MAMA. You make the choices for her. Your mom should abide and stop whining at you. (I know it's easier said than done.) But you've made the right decision!

Heavens...

[snowelf.livejournal.com]

You deserve a big medal. If I had one, I'd give it to you.
As well as the ice cream in my freezer. And a big kick in the butt for your mother.

You're one heck of a mother, and I think Elayna is lucky to have you. Stay strong.

[chiara607.livejournal.com]

(Sorry about all the late postings--now that I've been friended, I'm going through and commenting. [shy smile] Is that OK?)

I have to agree with all of the above: Elayna is incredibly lucky to have you as a mother. And I agree with Iroshi about wishing to have you as a mother (and, also, the lusting after you thing [blushes]); my relationship with my mother is...strained, to say the least. But, then again, I have a craving for maternal figures in my life that borders on the pathological.

And maybe that was too much information?

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Sorry about all the late postings--now that I've been friended, I'm going through and commenting. [shy smile] Is that OK?

More than OK! A number of the posts you've commented on are ones that I'd been intending to dig up to put in my Memories - you've saved me the trouble. :)

And no, not too much information. *hugs* :)