Much better now.

[shadesong]

So I wrote my previous post, had some cookies, had some pizza, played D&D with Mike(y), Thomas, John, deza, glenn5, and yendi. Details of that to come tomorrow. But yeah, I simmered down. Feeling, as Harry's father on Night Court used to say, "Much better now."

deza says I'll forgive the little prick at some point, but y'know - I will not accept people talking to me like that. As I told him, I stopped lying down and taking abuse when I was 16.

Actually, I've had relapses of that.

Point is: I'm at a new place in life, emotionally as well as physically. I'm making changes and making choices. And as bellacrow said, I need to treat myself as a precious commodity. I have always been accustomed to welcoming everyone into my world and into my circle of friends. And, unfortunately, I'm learning that I need to stop that. I have a really good circle of friends in Florida... and I'm probably rushing the circle-building here.

Things you need to know about me: Trust is very important. There are things I say publicly, and things I say privately. If we discuss something privately, *I'm* assuming it's just between the two of us. If you ask permission to tell someone else, 9 times out of 10 I'll grant it, but if you just go telling all of your friends, I'll be fucking furious.

I talk about a *lot* of things very openly. Including abuse issues. I do this, like I said, so that other people with these issues will know that I'm a safe person to talk to. If you're an abuse survivor and you need to talk, e-mail me - I don't have all of the answers, but I'm a good listener, and I can handle hearing about it. Talking is the first step.

Look at what I say in public, in terms of these issues and my monogamy adjustment issues.

If that's what I say in public - you probably don't want to imagine what I talk about in private.

If I tell you something privately, it is because I trust you. Don't betray that. Fuck these three strikes, I have a new rule: You only get one chance. I no longer want to waste my time on people who doesn't care about my privacy (or stopped caring when I said I wouldn't fuck them). I don't care, in Real Life, about the quantity of friends - I care about the quality. I will be enforcing my standards. (Hell, I'll develop standards.)

Another thing about me: I start everyone off with the benefit of the doubt. I welcome people with open arms and an open heart, and I will be your friend forever - if you don't screw me over. No one starts out with a negative balance. If I dump your ass, you brought it upon yourself.

(Note: This doesn't mean y'all need to be yes-men. yendi and stronae give me shit all the time, but it's done lovingly.)

I'll continue our new segment, "Things You Should Know About 'song", tomorrow. I'm really shleepy now.

*hugs* Thanks for the support, guys.



Comments

[gothwalk.livejournal.com]

*mumble* *mumblemumble* *mumble*

*raises head*

Um. This is SO not in defense of arkhamrefugee. But... You had perhaps best not tell me things, then. Because there's nothing happens to me or gets told to me that I wouldn't discuss with Nina. I don't tell her everything, since there aren't that many hours in the day, and she's understandably not that interested in people she doesn't know. But I WON'T say that I won't tell her something; that would be like trying not to tell one half of my brain something. That's not a promise I can keep. Our relationship is based on sharing everything, and no matter how much I like anyone else, I am not going to stop that, not for one single byte of information not passed.

arkhamrefugee is unforgivable, though.

*hugs*

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

And now I know that. Difference is, arkhamrefugee knew my stance on that and told his GF anyway. For no reason other than to gossip.

[stronae.livejournal.com]

Heh. Well, more specifically, we try to keep things so that you don't go blazing too far afield in a direction you'd rather not be going into, according to either your own policies, or our senses of sanity. It's hard work, y'know. :)

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Very hard work, and you do it well! Thanks. *hugs*

[ga-sunshine.livejournal.com]

I just always hate to see friends fight.

Our current gaming group here is falling apart right now, too, and these things just make me feel inadequate.

I feel bad that you guys came to this.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

It's not really that it came to this... he was never really *in* my circle that much. Always raised my hackles just the tiniest bit, but I thought I was being paranoid... guess I wasn't...

[dicotomygrrl.livejournal.com]

I am slightly amused how much you and I have in common, at least on our outlook on the world. My Glenn and I are constantly having this argument over given trust vs. earned trust. I am totally in you camp on this, and prefer to welcome everyone until proven otherwise ( but once that happens, Lord save your soul.) On the other hand he says he doesn't *really* trust anyone, but allows people to earn a certain level of closeness, thereby minimizing his risk. Some days I just don't fathom him.