Bad week.

[shadesong]

I don't know why I'm falling apart like this.

I was fine this week last year. Better than fine - a woman on a mission. Strong. Feeling my power.

But I'm falling apart this time. I don't understand. It's nothing to do with the specific trauma. Life is not bad. Life is good. Moving stress, yeah, but that shouldn't be doing this.

I'm not strong this year. I've been strong for the last few years. This year I'm unaccountably fragile.

I need distraction, but I don't want it. Not looking to dwell on it. Just - cocooning. Not wanting to be touched. NEEDING distraction. But resistant. Feeling really self-destructive. (And no, I haven't been cutting. But I wanted to recently.)

I want this to be over.

Comments

[rubian77.livejournal.com]

I would share my Chai with you if I could.

*hugs*

[unwilly.livejournal.com]

Sometimes we are just not strong.

This weakness and despair shall pass.

Hang in.

[gentleeleos.livejournal.com]

It is frustrating and hard, but one need not be strong all the time. You do not need to be strong all the time. Let yourself be weak for now...you have a whole host of people who will support you until you are strong again. Let them. This will pass...you will feel strong again.

[morenasangre.livejournal.com]

There seem to be a lot of people having a hard time this past week/two in my world (including me). Perhaps things are going on beneath the surface that are influencing you?

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Always a possibility.

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

*hug*

Started writing a post about knives. Deleted it.

Bad week all ready. Right there with you. *snuggles if you want 'em*

--K

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

*snuggles you back*

[lubedpumpkin.livejournal.com]

::good vibes::

[rhicat.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be so quick to discount moving as something so trivial. Psychologically, it is in the Top Five of Most Stressful Life Events (even a good move).

Something I've noticed with myself and other Srong Women: we are cool, calm and collected in the eye of the storm. But once the crisis has passed? We fall apart, if only for a little while.

Being strong has its price. Batteries drain and need to be recharged.

[chibininja.livejournal.com]

Or as I like to put it: "Sometimes the tank needs to go in for refit and rearming."

Hang in there. It all works out...eventually.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

[mermaidnchains.livejournal.com]

I would suspect that its because of the re-opening of so many wounds. Getting in contact with anyone from your past, and then on top of that preparing yourself to revisit Vegas has taken much strength from you.

Im sorry you feel fragile. It happens. You need to allow yourself to be glass for a while, and really pamper yourself. You are valuable to a lot of people, and taking the time to cherish this precious thing called YOU will help you feel all that much more solid later.

*hugs and much energy sent your way*

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Girlfriend. Two words.

Transplant. Shock.

You just moved. A whole freaking house. Give it three weeks, it'll be okay.

Been there, done that and didn't buy the t-shirt. *winks*

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

But see I wasn't like this when I moved from FL to GA!

I don't think I was.

[dragontdc.livejournal.com]

Maybe you would have been if you hadn't gotten distracted.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty distracted now!

[dragontdc.livejournal.com]

Then I must fall back to my normal clueless state.

*soothes*

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Every move is different. And even when I really *wanted* to move and get out of the house in Ontario, I was shakey for weeks afterward.

Not broken - just...unsettled. Phobias on the upswing, jittery. That sort of thing.

Here's a good example.

Re: *soothes*

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Hm!

Okay, thank you. I feel a lot better knowing that it's probably not just the impending anniversary; I did think I'd gotten past this point with the anniversary...

[volta]

Did your FL to GA move involve dozens of trips over the course of two weeks? In my experience moving all at once is significantly less stressful than moving piecemeal over time.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Hm. Point: It was all at once. And I had two months here without a job and without Miss Kid, to get all set up.

[museumfreak.livejournal.com]

I think change can make things difficult, and bring up difficult memories, even when we don't expect it to. Especially in the case of both a move and the anniversary.

I know that for me the move here hasn't been all roses and honey, regardless of the job situation, and for some reason I've concealed a lot of that from my LJ audience. And that my anniversary comes around the time school starts back, so there's always a wrench in the spanner.

Does that help? *hugs*. I'm here for you however I can be. And don't worry too much about my earlier comments. Although I do need the money, I can get through for a while; I saw those entries before this. Worry about you.