I originally posted this back in July, and it helped people, so I figured I'd put it up again. I haven't been keeping track of *exactly* how long it's been since I self-injured (has to be at least a week)... but my injury sites are clear. No wounds or scabs, currently, just the mild scarring. Which is, of course, a Good Thing. So. Here's the post:
Some people have asked what it means when I say I haven't self-injured in x number of hours/day. This is kinda a brief explanation.
Self-injury is what it sounds like. It's when a person deliberately injures themself, usually enough to draw blood. The person does this as a release of psychological tension... when it hurts too much inside, a little pain on the outside can balance you. This site (http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html) has some good info on it - you may want to read the primer they link to from the front page.
A few people have been shocked that I was still doing it. This is actually not uncommon... like many of my PTSD symptoms (self-injury is a common PTSD behavior), this was mostly suppressed while I was dealing with the external trauma of living with, then divorcing, my ex. So when I moved up here with Adam I was finally safe... safe enough to break down in ways I'd been suppressing for seven years.
I am gradually putting myself back together. Trying to make sure all of my psychological needs are met. And as this is happening, the need to self-injure is waning. I'm not saying it'll never happen again. It probably will. From the page linked above:
"A section of the causes page discusses this in more detail, but basically studies have suggested that when people who self-injure get emotionally overwhelmed, an act of self-harm brings their levels of psychological and physiological tension and arousal back to a bearable baseline level almost immediately. In other words, they feel a strong uncomfortable emotion, don't know how to handle it, and know that hurting themselves will reduce the emotional discomfort extremely quickly. They may still feel bad (or not), but they don't have that panicky jittery trapped feeling; it's a calm bad feeling. This explains why self-injury can be so addictive: It works. When you have a quick, easy way to make the bad stuff go away for a while, why would you want to go through the hard work of finding other ways to cope?"
So. Yes. Generally, I make myself bleed at least once a day. Usually with my fingernails only, though I've used knives (not in years) and scissors (only once in the past 2 years). My target site used to be my upper thighs (which is why I never wear shorts) and is now my shoulders and upper back (which is why I rarely wear tank tops). I haven't done it in two days, and I'm proud of that, and I would like to keep on not doing it. :)
So. If you do this too, know you're not alone. :) And if any of you guys have any questions, please ask.
*hugs* to all my friends...
Some people have asked what it means when I say I haven't self-injured in x number of hours/day. This is kinda a brief explanation.
Self-injury is what it sounds like. It's when a person deliberately injures themself, usually enough to draw blood. The person does this as a release of psychological tension... when it hurts too much inside, a little pain on the outside can balance you. This site (http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html) has some good info on it - you may want to read the primer they link to from the front page.
A few people have been shocked that I was still doing it. This is actually not uncommon... like many of my PTSD symptoms (self-injury is a common PTSD behavior), this was mostly suppressed while I was dealing with the external trauma of living with, then divorcing, my ex. So when I moved up here with Adam I was finally safe... safe enough to break down in ways I'd been suppressing for seven years.
I am gradually putting myself back together. Trying to make sure all of my psychological needs are met. And as this is happening, the need to self-injure is waning. I'm not saying it'll never happen again. It probably will. From the page linked above:
"A section of the causes page discusses this in more detail, but basically studies have suggested that when people who self-injure get emotionally overwhelmed, an act of self-harm brings their levels of psychological and physiological tension and arousal back to a bearable baseline level almost immediately. In other words, they feel a strong uncomfortable emotion, don't know how to handle it, and know that hurting themselves will reduce the emotional discomfort extremely quickly. They may still feel bad (or not), but they don't have that panicky jittery trapped feeling; it's a calm bad feeling. This explains why self-injury can be so addictive: It works. When you have a quick, easy way to make the bad stuff go away for a while, why would you want to go through the hard work of finding other ways to cope?"
So. Yes. Generally, I make myself bleed at least once a day. Usually with my fingernails only, though I've used knives (not in years) and scissors (only once in the past 2 years). My target site used to be my upper thighs (which is why I never wear shorts) and is now my shoulders and upper back (which is why I rarely wear tank tops). I haven't done it in two days, and I'm proud of that, and I would like to keep on not doing it. :)
So. If you do this too, know you're not alone. :) And if any of you guys have any questions, please ask.
*hugs* to all my friends...
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