My child and inappropriate content

[shadesong]

On the way home, she was singing along with the iPod. I have discovered that she does not sing inappropriate words. She self-censors. She did not sing the word "hell" in Flogging Molly's "Rebels of the Sacred Heart".

I wouldn't have been upset with her if she did sing it, mind. It's a song. It's not like she's using it around the house. But no, she hits her internal mute button, and picks up the song on the very next word.

And!

Elayna: "Do you know about the book It? It has one thousand one hundred and four pages?"
Me: "By Stephen King?"
Elayna: "You know Stephen King?"
Me: "Yeah. Why do you know Stephen King?"
Elayna: "A bunch of the boys in class are reading Stephen King. J. is reading It."
Me: "Well... I don't think that's a great idea. Those aren't books for kids."
Elayna: "Why?"
Me: "There's just some very adult content in there."
Elayna: "Yeah. I don't want to read Stephen King."
Me: "Okay, cool."
Elayna: "They use the d-word in there. Not 'darn'. The real d-word."
Me: "Uh-huh."
Elayna: "And it talks about breasts."
Me: "How do you know this?"
Elayna: "J. tried to make me read it, and when I wouldn't, he read it out loud, and it was something about offering a breast. And I just think that's really inappropriate for us to be reading."
Me: "I would have to agree. And he shouldn't be reading that to you when he knows you don't want to hear it."
Elayna: "Yeah. I don't like people reading that stuff, because then they read it out loud, and it's inappropriate to read stuff out loud about a lady offering a man her breast."

She was visibly uncomfortable. So I recommended that she talk to her teacher. As I told her as the conversation progressed, we can't control what other people read, but there are things that shouldn't be discussed in a fourth-grade classroom.

I'm not one of those people who'd be screaming "sexual harassment!!!" if a boy kissed her on the cheek, as seems to happen in many schools these days. But my kid shouldn't have to listen to some kid reading a sex scene out loud.

Hm. Now that I'm writing it, it sounds even worse. I think I'll call the teacher.

And in just-plain-bad-words news, the book also used the word "fucking", so now I've defined that one for her.

Ah, kids.

Comments

[moonfire77.livejournal.com]

man kids are precocious these days! what'd you tell her about fucking? i mean was it a whole birds-and-bees conversation?.....just curious, don't mind me, now i'm embarassed to have asked.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Well, we've already had the birds-and-bees talk, so I told her that it's a very rude word for "having sex".

[jasmine-koran.livejournal.com]

Better yet, there's a lovely long scene in that book of the seven eleven year-old heroes having sex with each other.
(Don't get me wrong, I adore my beloved Master King, and I very much enjoyed It, but it is NOT a book kids should be reading).

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's the first scene that flashed into my mind when she told me J. was reading it...

[phantom_wolfboy]

That's the one scene that absolutely should have been cut.

I cannot imagine the thought process that leads to "I'll end my most Lovecraftian book with an eleven-year-old gang bang!"

Made me wanna cry.

[taiste.livejournal.com]

Wow. I read It when I was probably..hm, 10 or 11 I guess. But then my parents were firm believers in the "you're going to learn it eventually, better learn it at home" philosophy.

That's interesting that her internal code is so rigid.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

*nods* I started reading Kind when I was twelve. But that two years - that's a big difference.

Also see Yendi's comment below - the fact that this kid is reading the sex stuff aloud to her is the problem, IMO...

And re: her internal code - it seriously is! She's forbidden me to use the word "bloody", even. Cursing just makes her very uncomfortable. And that's not something we've ever been hardline on. I don't know why it's such a big deal for her.

[taiste.livejournal.com]

I agree with that, yes. If she doesn't wish to be exposed to it, she certainly shouldn't be forced.

[yendi]

Don't forget, her class has fifth graders in it. I was reading SK when I was a fifth grader.

[crystalsage.livejournal.com]

I think it would be different if she was reading it herself, with you and 'song explaining the parts that she didn't understand. But this is another child reading content out loud to her that she's already made clear to him that she didn't want to hear. That's bordering on harassment.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Yes. That's what worked itself into my brain: "Hey, that's not cool. That's really not cool."

[yendi]

I missed that the first time I read the post -- caught that she didn't like it, but not that she'd refused to look at it before he read it out loud. Definitely give the teacher a call and let me know what she says!

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

*salute*

I mean, like I said, I can't control what other kids read, and it's not my job. But she told him she didn't want to hear it.

[dandelion-diva.livejournal.com]

Yes. Exactly that.

Gessi

[thornsilver]

I've read that book in High School and it scared me spitless. I wouldn't recommend that a younger child read it on that point alone.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

*nods* Yendi said that he read King in fifth grade - but I'd say that he was pretty advanced as a fifth grader. Hell, he'd already been mugged once by the time he hit fifth grade. He didn't scare easily.

But Elayna would.

[shellefly.livejournal.com]

I think the central issue here is that she asked J to stop and he didn't. She didn't overhear him, he was reading it to her, and she shouldn't have to put up with someone bothering her with something that makes her uncomfortable.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Yeah. That is a Problem.

[manifestress.livejournal.com]

I totally agree - the fact that he wouldn't stop and it made her uncomfortable.

*sigh* I would really recommend the book "Reviving Ophelia - Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls"... Glad you're calling the teacher.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

I've heard that it's good... I'll look for it!

I called, left a voicemail.

[jmspencer.livejournal.com]

Reviving Ophelia is a book every young woman should read, preferably BEFORE they develop the problems it addresses. Highly recommended. Then again, being convex as opposed to concave, I really can't get the most accurate take on it other than seeing the effect it had on my little sister

[lootsfoz.livejournal.com]

I'll second that recommendation. Great book. Wish it had been around when I was a teen.

[dindin.livejournal.com]

Oh, how quickly things change. By 5th or 6th grade I was sneaking Judy Blume's "Wifey" to a class pool party. Heh.

[gegenschein.livejournal.com]

In sixth grade, I had read the entire Clan of the Cave Bear series (which is FILLED with graphic sex) and had started on all kinds of romance novels, most of them fairly graphic.

My parents didn't care - they were glad I was reading so much and figured I'd learn about sex sooner or later. My schoolmates, on the other hand, chose every possible free moment to tease me about the cheesy covers. :-P

[mfree.livejournal.com]

"Now class, pick up your copies of "Gerald's Game" and flip to page 232 where we left off last time. Bobby, would you like to start reading out loud?"

No, no no. Far too much, as "It" is as well.

J is indeed a problem if he was using the book to make Elayna uncomfortable on purpose, the kind of problem that requires swift resolution.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I don't know J., so I don't know... the teacher will have a better perspective on the motive there.

[amokk]

I think it's just a case of childhood teasing (hell, who knows, it might be that stupid "I like you a lot, so let me smack you around to let you know it!") and the kid just doesn't realize inappropriate ways of doing that include reading sexual scenes out loud to someone who's already refused to want to read it.


And unfortunately in today's climate, that could just as easily flip into a sexual harrasment suit (not that I think you would initiate, but the school admins might flip out about it) simply because it was a sex scene.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

*nods* That's pretty much exactly what was in my head. Thanks!

[amokk]

Why is it that the thought of us being on the same wavelength scare me just a little? ;)

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[kyranjaye.livejournal.com]

My mom hates the f-word. Other curses she's mostly okay with (now that we're old enough to say them, of course... she was pretty strict about no cursing when we were kids) but the f-word really gets to her. We didn't know that when we were too young to be using Those Kinds Of Words, but we learned fast.

Particularly since, when my brother first heard it (he was seven or eight) he asked her what it meant. All innocent, of course, pure curiosity on his part. I should mention that he asked this question from the backseat of a moving car, which mom was driving, on an interstate.

She explained the term quite calmly, with admonitions not to utilize it, particularly in her presence, as it was rude and insulting, etc.

After attempting to drive up a tree. At 60mph.

I, three years older, had already heard it and gotten a fair approximation of the meaning from somewhere, and so I found the whole thing highly amusing.

I still refrain from using it in conversation, unless I'm referencing a song lyric or something like. My brother, on the other hand, swears like a soldier. (Maybe because he was one... ;)

On a completely different topic - I refuse to read Stephen King to this day because a teacher insisted on reading Thinner to my sixth-grade class, out loud, despite the fact that it traumatized me to the point that I couldn't sleep and was often near tears during that class... even after I told her, and I think my parents told her, and we might even have brought it up to the principal. (I hated that teacher. But I'll read horror novels now - just not SK. go fig.)

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Dude! Why did the teacher do that?

[mfree.livejournal.com]

*boggle*

Reminds me of the 2'nd grade teacher that stuck me in the back of the class after I complained I couldn't see the board. Turns out I needed glasses. Bitch.

[kyranjaye.livejournal.com]

My sentiments exactly.

[lootsfoz.livejournal.com]

My fourth grade teacher yanked me up by the bangs once when I was bent over my desk practicing my handwriting. She was a stickler for proper posture. My mom was so PO'd that I didn't tell her about that incident until about a month after we'd moved from that school.
Turns out I needed glasses too, discovered the next year, but since I'm nearsighted, I think it probably just was sloppy kid posture that had me hunched over the desk.
Still doesn't make it okay for that witch to have yanked me up.

[kyranjaye.livejournal.com]

I have no idea. My least favorite teacher ever, you can bet.

It's a shame, too, as I know King's a damn good author. Just... still squicked. irrational, but true. :(

[mightywombat.livejournal.com]

"The *real* D-word"? Which would be? Doodie? Diddle? Denethor? Not just "damn" was it?

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Just damn.

Keep in mind that "the s-h word" is "shut up". "Shit" is too horrible to refer to with mere initials. It's "the terrible word for poop."

[mightywombat.livejournal.com]

So, how is she going to refer to "fucking" now? It can't possibly be the "f-word", it's on a level with "shit" and "Denethor"! It must be "that horrible word for what happens when a man and a woman love each other very much..."

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Dude, I fucking love you. *giggling helplessly*

[beowabbit]

*Giggle.* I'm tempted to channel Lenny Bruce.

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

It's been a while since I read it, but The Eyes of the Dragon might be more to Elayna's taste; I think King actually wrote it for his daughter, who at the time couldn't deal with any of his other books.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Maybe...

[creentmerveille.livejournal.com]

Actually -- though of course you and Yendi would know best -- in my opinion that book would not be appropriate for her, given her personal comfort levels with swearing as stated here... I remember reading that as a teen and thinking "this is a book meant for KIDS?" The main fairytaleness was appropriate and cool, but I seem to remember some moderate sexual stuff and swearing.

Of course, I read my first SK, Cujo, at 9. So it's not like I was sheltered. I'm just sayin'.

[amokk]

Yeah, Eyes started out as a fairy tale for his daughter.

I'd still say 'song or Yendi should pre-read if she hasn't read it, though. No one else would know their daughter's tolerance level better. ;)

[amokk]

I read The Stand when I was 11, I think. The original, of course, the "complete and unedited" didn't exist yet (I read that in 8th grade when it came out).

I read IT when I was somewhere in the 11-13 range. I didn't always get the jokes, but I did get the sex. ;)

I remember Freshman year of high school some kid showing me the SK books in the school library and flipping through Cujo to a long section of swearing and him going, "look, a book at school has the F word!" like all amazed. I said, "Yeah, and?"

Then again I wrote a story senior year English that had sex and like 3 or 4 uses of fuck in it. It's amusing childhood sci-fi that still bounces in my head and I might remake it at some point...

[thejunebug.livejournal.com]

Definitely call the teacher. Indecent little snot.

[phantom_wolfboy]

Ah, It!

Before I read any of the other comments, I'm gonna talk about It!.

I'm a Stephen King fan. And I'm an H.P. Lovecraft fan. And King's a Lovecraft fan. And part of It! is King's most Lovecraftian story.

Unfortunately, the other part is the part where his brain melted. It! was the nadir of King's career (thankfully, IMO, he's recovered since and gone on to write good books again). About half of that book should have been chopped, and the other half heavily edited. Scarily enough, he says that he's always cut heavily from his manuscripts . . . not always heavily enough.

And any sane editor should have cut one scene in particular. Accompanied by comments such as, "Steve! Steve! What were you thinking? Hell, what were you drinking?!"

[lootsfoz.livejournal.com]

IT scared the crap out of me, and I was probably about 14 when I read it. It's not at all appropriate for a fourth grader, sex or horror-wise.

That said, I was reading serial romances in middle school, and had a talent for rewriting sex scenes that made one boring class in eighth grade a whole lot more interesting for my friends. So glad the teacher never intercepted those notes.