Hm.

[shadesong]

It occurred to me last night, after reviewing that poetry binder, that no one that I currently associate with knew me when I was writing those poems. None of you reading this knew me prior to the rape, or even prior to me having Elayna. Which is incredibly odd, as I was, of course, a totally different person before all of that - and none of you ever met that person.

I read a book once - "After Silence", by Nancy Venable Raine - that stated (and I know I'm probably misquoting) that the person you were before you were raped is dead. You will never be that person again, and you need to mourn her and then go forward, because there is no going back.

I think I'm done mourning. Weird.

So, looking at what the girl I was wrote.... I remembered her. Who she was, how she felt. And I said goodbye. She had a lot of pain in her, that girl I was - she hurt all the time.

I don't have to hurt anymore. I don't have to carry her pain with me anymore. It's done.

Comments

[crimmycat.livejournal.com]

what an incredibly odd way to think of it - it never occured to me to think that the person I was before I was raped is dead.

I don't have any friends left from before, but I didn't have many friends before, or for a long time after. I've changed a lot, yes - I've become a completely different person even in the time I've been on the bordertown list. My life is change. That one was just - far more abrupt, scarring, painful than most of the other changes in my life.

*hugs* but for the way you look at it, I'm glad you feel you're done with mourning and with pain. It's so much easier to be happy when you don't carry so much pain inside.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

*fierce hugs for you*

It made sense to me, what she said.... because I just genuinely don't think the same anymore. It changed everything, down to the core of me.

And yes, I'm glad my mourning period is over. I really feel good now.

[talix18.livejournal.com]

I read that book. Intense.