Not a Gun

[shadesong]

Two quotes, with commentary, that sum up a part of me neatly.

"I'm the best there is at what I do - and what I do isn't very nice."
-- Wolverine

"I am not a gun."
-- The Iron Giant

I feel that the character of Wolverine is well summed up in Ultimate X-Men #41. (Stick with me!) In that issue, a young mutant kid comes into his powers. Unfortunately, instead of getting nifty cool powers, this kid's power is that he exudes something that kills everyone within a certain radius. When he figures out what he's done, he runs away to a cave in the mountains to isolate himself.

Enter Wolvie - due to his healing factor, he's able to be around the kid. And they talk. They talk about life. They talk about the raw deal the kid got. And as they talk... the kid finally looks up at Wolvie and says "I... can never leave this cave, can I?"

Wolvie passes the kid a beer.

And a little while later, he exits the cave alone.

And you know none of the other X-Men know about this mission. Wolverine is the one you send to do the work that would break anyone else. Wolverine is the weapon, the berserker. Yes, Weapon X. But seriously. Wolvie is the person who does things like this, things no one else can.

Of all the X-Men, I identify most - due to my childhood, my adolescence, the training I had - with Wolverine.

The Iron Giant is one of only three movies I've ever cried at. It's retro-'50s, about a kid who finds and befriends a giant robot in the woods.

The problem is that the robot, gentle as he is with the kid, was designed as an alien weapon. And when he thinks the military, attacking him, has killed the kid... he goes on a rampage. The kid regains consciousness just in time to stop the Iron Giant... and the Iron Giant, realizing what he's done in spite of the kid telling him he didn't have to be what he was designed to be - that he could be what he wanted to be -

- tells himself, quietly, as if trying to convince himself: "I am not a gun."

I wear four silver cuff bracelets on my left arm. Three of them have exterior decoration. One doesn't. On the inside of the plain bracelet, the words "One Day at a Time" are engraved.

This is not just a recovering-addict thing.

This is because every day I stand, and I metaphorically look at myself in the mirror. And with everything that I could beat the crap out of - with all the situations I could alter in my favor if I abuse what power I have -

I tell myself: "I am not a gun."

I do not have to be what I was raised to be, trained to be. The people who instilled those reflexes in me are long gone. I choose.

I am not a gun.

Comments

Iron Giant

[marlowe1.livejournal.com]

Brother of a friend worked on that movie - Vincent Truitner. Nice guy. Met him at Convergence.

Re: Iron Giant

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Fantastic movie. I went in expecting yet another generic kiddie flick, and - wow.

Wolverine.

[genuinechris.livejournal.com]

I read that issue when it was contraversial. I do think that it was an alright charachterization of Wolverine, it made Xavier into something...less noble. He doesn't want the world to know that mutants are dangerous, and he is willing to stoop to having his hatchet man kill a kid.

I want my heroes noble.

Re: Wolverine.

[ardaniel]

Ultimate Xavier is a complete fascist jackhole, though. That's the point of having that sort of thing go on in the Ultimate universe. He only gets worse from there on out, actually-- somewhere around issue 60, he's actually seen blackmailing people, and during "Magnetic North," he pulls something on one of his own students that's... beyond low.

Not to mention the amount of times he's telepathically compelled people to stay at the school despite it not being in their best interests (Scott, very early on, and then later Alison makes an offhanded comment about how she's probably being telepathically controlled to stay there despite not really wanting to). Ultimate Xavier is far more like the standard Magneto than I think most readers are really comfortable with. ;)

Re: Wolverine.

[phantom_wolfboy]

Everyone in the Ultimateverse is a fascist asshole, though.

The possible exceptions are Thor and Peter Parker . . . and I have my doubts about Peter. He's young yet.

Re: Wolverine.

[ardaniel]

It certainly underscores the fact that Xavier's not a hero, though. Doug Ramsey doesn't seem to be much of a fascist asshole, and I still think Brian K. Vaughan wins the entire comic for having Doug *stay the hell home* on dangerous missions. ;)

[wurmwyd.livejournal.com]

Hi there!

I read an interview with Chris Claremont, where he talked about Wolverine as a very complicated character. He said that he had talked with (John Byrne, Dave Cochram?) someone about a scene that they could never do in the comics. Logan would be sitting downstairs, eating his Corn Flakes, and then Kitty Pryde comes bouncing dounstairs and catches him at the exact wrong moment with a bright cheery "Hiya Fuzz Face" or something. And then he turns around and disembowels her before she can blink, then goes back to eating his Corn Flakes. Realistic, that's the kind of thing that a psychotic berserker would do, but that's not very heroic. Wolverine is a hero because all of his instincts are telling him to kill, but he restrains himself. It's the scene where his claws go for your throat and then he stops that makes him a hero.

The Wolverine mini-series by Frank Miller also reconciled Wolvie's berserker nature with his sense of bushido.

I've always been more of a Nightcrawler type, myself. :)

PS: You can ...like... kill people? Like, for reals? ...[sputter] God, that's attractive...

[ianhess.livejournal.com]

You do not have to be, but strength and capability shouldn't be ignored, either. I'll agree that being able to make the choice is critical. Like most semantic arguments, there is alot of shades of grey in this. I'd ask somewhat rhetorically, when should you use these talents?

[amywon.livejournal.com]

I was thinking earlier about what a friend of mine said that had I been born male, I would probably have been a serial killer. I began a thought process that was really quite revealing, that given the right circumstances I could have been one of the 9/11 hijackers. Doing whatever it takes to stop these [stupid] people from continuing in ignorance. Some days it is a real battle to keep my evil from the world. The inattentive mother, the brash jock, the shy girl, all of the people I pass judgment on and let live.

So, yes, I identify very much, with what you have just written. Although, I do not think I have reached the point where I can say without reservation that, “I am not a gun.”

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

...Very well said. (And given your history, I'm very glad you keep finding the strength to say it.)

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

Sobbed at the end of The Iron Giant.

"Superman...."

No, you're not a gun. In fact, you're one of the minority that has figured that much out.

[badlittlemonkey.livejournal.com]

The Iron Giant is one of my favorite movies ever--I cry every time at the end. I've seen it more times that I can count--my four-year-old daughter has fallen in love with "the robot movie"--and still I cry at the ending every damn time. It pushes every one of my buttons in exactly the right way--the concept of choosing to be whatever you want to be has always resonated with me rather strongly, and invoking Superman to do so resonates even more.

Every damn time.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

"Superman."

Yep. That one word. And here come the tears...

[badlittlemonkey.livejournal.com]

That one word, and the look of blissful acceptance on the Giant's face as he slowly closes his eyes... omfg. I try to fight it, I do, but I well up every time.

And I'm *not* the kind of guy to cry at movies most of the time--shows just how well Brad Bird knew what he was doing with that movie. Amazing.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Next Arisia, we'll do a kid-flick marathon for our wee ones. Definitely include that.

[lrstrobel.livejournal.com]

Being a relatively new reader of yours, I do not know your story, but I wish you strength and resolve every day.

[ewin.livejournal.com]

A lot of people never learn that they have grown formidable, and so end up causing a lot of hurt, unaware, unawake. It's nice, every so often, to run across someone who knows what they are capable of.

[mermaidnchains.livejournal.com]

I am without words. (seeks them.....) Ok, the only thing that comes to mind is: I know this feeling very well. You have touched me today. Thank you.

[never1eighty.livejournal.com]

You illuminate a truth that's easier to ignore. And not that you meant to, but it means a lot to me to see it all the same.

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

This seems to be on your mind very strongly these days...do you know why?

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Yep.

Best explained over e-mail, though and even then, 'tisn't soup yet...

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

If/when you have the time, I'd like to read that email.
...Though probably not until after Arisia, huh? :)

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Still cooking - but you will know. *hug*

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

***HUG***

Miss you

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

That movie was one of the best animated movies to come out in... ages. Real ages. It also makes me cry.


Of course, I also laugh every time I hear "Hogarth, friend." :D

[ulitave.livejournal.com]

the Iron Giant is one of the few movies that makes me cry.

Superman.

[housellama.livejournal.com]

THIS is why I read your LJ.

You are a very very wise woman.

-Tug

Reminds me of this:

[qassandra.livejournal.com]

My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -
In Corners - till a Day
The Owner passed - identified -
And carried Me away -

And now We roam in Sovereign Woods -
And now We hunt the Doe -
And every time I speak for Him -
The Mountains straight reply -

And do I smile, such cordial light
Upon the Valley glow -
It is as a Vesuvian face
Had let its pleasure through -

And when at Night - Our good Day done -
I guard My Master's Head -
'Tis better than the Eider-Duck's
Deep Pillow - to have shared -

To foe of His - I'm deadly foe -
None stir the second time -
On whom I lay a Yellow Eye -
Or an emphatic Thumb -

Though I than He - may longer live
He longer must - than I -
For I have but the power to kill,
Without--the power to die--


-Emily Dickinson