Lube

[shadesong]

Okay, so I have a question, and this might be one of those "Shadesong is an alien" things.

During recent happy fun with a new person, said new person reached for lube right after reaching for the condom. I laughed and said "Oh, honey, you won't need that." But the fact that he defaulted to it - and I've seen people default to it before (but only the first time!) - got me wondering. In addition, I remembered an ex-boyfriend saying that prior to being with him, his OSO had never had sex without lube.

Now, personally, I have a very Pavlovian response to sexual situations. I see a hard cock, and honey, I'm ready. I am very ready. *drifts to happy place* *returns reluctantly* Seriously. So it took repeated experiences of this nature to make me really wonder - is that normal? Or is requiring artificial lubrication normal?

I know, I know - "define normal!" Seriously, though, I'm curious, so I'm taking this thoroughly unscientific poll. Note: This is for vaginal sex only. I do not have a self-lubricating ass, and I am pretty sure I don't know anyone who does. So.


[Poll #659795]

You are welcome and encouraged to elaborate in comments. Comments will be screened - please tell me if I can unscreen your comment. Thanks!

Comments

[storme]

Hmm, aren't there pre-lubricated condoms? I mean, I don't think they come slathered and dripping with lube, but certainly it seems like most condom types I've encountered are not exactly bone-dry to the touch either.

er, and you can unscreen this, obviously.

[shades-of-nyx.livejournal.com]

Ummm.
There's a certain amount of variation here. If we're talking about bio appendages, they come in a whole variety of shapes and sizes. Let's just say, I require lube when whole hands are going there... (You may unscreen.)

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Let's just say, I require lube when whole hands are going there...

Ah, okay. This was just a penis. (A very nice penis, but not a freakin' HAND.)

I guess I kinda blocked out that possibility, since it is *not* a possibility for me. Yes, I know, a bunch of you are going to jump in and say "No, you could totally..." No. I totally cannot. Ask anyone who's been there. They will laugh at you. :)

[shades-of-nyx.livejournal.com]

Well, it helps to have a partner with small foldable paws. And, you're right, not an activity for everyone. My girlfriend, for example, loves the doing, but runs screaming from the idea of being done to!

[shadefell.livejournal.com]

Feel free to unscreen this! :)

I don't normally need any kind of lube, unless we're using condoms. I don't know why. I have a small vagina, and he has a thick penis, and the condom just catches in a way that his bare skin doesn't. *shrugs*

Re: Feel free to unscreen: I <3 LUBE

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

However, since I am legally and physically not-female anymore, I didn't feel like I could answer the first part of the poll.

*nods* Sorry - I'd've specified "I have a vagina" instead of "I'm female", but I didn't know you hadn't had the bottom surgery, and the other trans folk I know have had both or are just now beginning to transition and have penises. So! Did not know. *hug*

Especially when using condoms/gloves/dams/etc. Barrier protection = greater need for lube. YMMV

*nods* I've found that I have more than enough even with gloves.

Re: Feel free to unscreen: I <3 LUBE

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

Since more lube = less friction damage, lube is highly recommended for preventing transmission of STDs, too.

Thanks for the point! I can't believe this never occurred to me before.

Re: Feel free to unscreen: I <3 LUBE

[rosefox]

Just make sure there's no detergent, aka nonoxynol 9, in it. That stuff abrades and increases transmission likelihood.

[enderfem.livejournal.com]

You can unscreen this.

I had the same experience several years ago when I dated chemokitty the first time. He went for the tube, and I was like "um...not necessary".

We use it now from time to time, typically when we've been extremely *active* over a short period of time, and it is near the end of that time. Because he is very gifted, and I am teensy.

[burning-brain.livejournal.com]

I've only found lube necessary for anal sex... but I think the moisture factor is a combination of

1) A woman's natural amount of self-lube,

2) Her comfort level-- inhibitions will make a girl dryer and tighter, in a bad way;

3) Possibly a man's size.

Unscreen away.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

If I'm not comfortable, I'm not going to be naked in bed with the guy. :)

I know what you mean, though. I'm just - not that inhibited, once I've done the mental "Ah-HA! You shall be mine!"

...and I'm a size queen. I just - get very wet.

Iiiii have a nice big lover coming to visit soon. Hee!

[burning-brain.livejournal.com]

Fantasizing minds want to know: what are your numeric ranges for Small, Medium and Large?

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Oh, see, I have no idea. It's like the tall thing. I'm 4'11", therefore everyone is tall. 6'4"? You're tall. 5'4"? You're tall.

I'm *tiny*, therefore everyone's Verra Nice. I don't really register "small".

Large? Well, I sometimes refer to CubitMan, a lover I had in Vegas whose cock was the length and width of my forearm. That, my dear, is LARGE. I'm satisfied with less than that, of course - that was far from the Best Sex Ever, simply because our bodies were out of proportion to each other. I was Lego, he was Duplo.

So. Um. Medium, Large? Like pornography, I know it when I see it! I've never measured.

Re: Feel free to unscreen: I <3 LUBE

[mslaynie.livejournal.com]

a lover I had in Vegas whose cock was the length and width of my forearm.

I had a lover like that. Of course, I'm 5'8" with a large frame. I affectionately called him Mr. Ed.

Lube isn't always necessary, but since I had my hyst I need lube more often than I did before. Plus, latex just sucks, so if I'm using condoms, lube will likely be necessary.

(Feel free to unscreen)

[drwex]

4. is she getting enough water on a regular basis.

As with many things if your body doesn't intake enough moisture (or loses too much of it to, say, caffeine) you won't have excess moisure to use.

Not that factor #4 outweighs 1-3, but it's much more easily controlled than, say, #3.

Oh, and
5. Amount of time you've been going bouncy-bouncy. I've been with partners who found it more comfortable to add a bit of lube either to jump-start their natural production, or to help extend things.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Bouncy-bouncy? :)

[ckd]

Or, as the British tabloid press might call it, rumpy-pumpy.

[drwex]

I thought you announced that you weren't available, not so long ago...

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

That was a friendly mocking of terminology, not an offer. :)

[drwex]

Meh. I'm aware. I was counter-mocking.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Uncertainty, clarification... *tousles your hair* Hi!

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

is she getting enough water on a regular basis.

A very helpful point. *makes mental note*

(this can be unscreened, as can my earlier comment)

[amywon.livejournal.com]

Lube is desired for multiple rounds as condoms/toys tend to absorb natural moisture faster

[amywon.livejournal.com]

and this is where i fail the exam becuase i didn't read the last and correct answer.

You can unscreen my comment.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Certainly!

[jnanacandra.livejournal.com]

I never ever need lube with a new or relatively-new lover.

Once we've been together for a while (6 mos to a year, assuming relatively frequent contact) the lube starts to generate more for specific types of physical stimulation than the simple presence of the person, and on very rare occasions just doesn't come (no pun intended). Even then, though, I only need lube for the initial entry, and then things are juuuust fine.

I've (sadly) never had a female lover for long enough to test if the time function applies there as well.

(unscreen at will)

[dindin.livejournal.com]

Once upon a time I was having lubrication problems possibly due to re-adjusting to birth control pills, so I happen to have a bottle handy (and hey, why not?), but ordinarily it's not a problem.

Feel free to unscreen.

[ckd]

My preceding comment can be unscreened.

[rosefox]

Unscreen at will!

I've been on artificial hormones most of my life, so I don't know how that affects things. Having said that, though, I always use lube. When I come, which happens with pleasing frequency nowadays and usually at least once before actual penetration, I almost always ejaculate at least a little bit--by which I mean, not enough that anyone would notice by look or feel--and where my pre-orgasm secretions are nice and slippery, the ejaculate is thin and increases friction rather than reducing it. It's like... having soap on your hands with slippery sudsy lather, and then washing it all off and your hands being squeaky clean. My girly bits do not like being squeaky. Silicone lube is the only thing that ever consistently survives that.

This has been rather more pronounced since I got my Mirena IUS, now that I think about it. Given all the benefits of the Mirena, though, I'm not complaining.

Datapoints: sinboy is built rather larger than average (though not OMGLARGE) and I am a small person (though people with small to medium hands have fisted me without tremendous difficulty); we don't use condoms or gloves; if I don't come before penetration, penetration is all kinds of ouchful.

[gows.livejournal.com]

What's a Mirena IUS?

[rosefox]

http://www.mirena.com/

[rosefox]

Oh, and for those not familiar with the joys of Mirena: http://www.mirena.com/ and no, I've never had kids, and yes, I got them to give me one anyway. I haven't had a period in two years. It's awesome.

Times when I need lube:

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

1. if we've started fucking very abruptly (like, without much "foreplay" - though gaah, I hate that word);
2. sometimes if I'm tired;
3. sometimes if I'm not that much into the person (in this case my body sometimes knows more than my mind does);
4. usually in the day or 2 after my period ends;
5. sometimes if we've been at it for a while.

(feel free to unscreen - I'm "TMI Girl" as usual)

No need to screen

[i-descend.livejournal.com]

Generally I don't need lube for intercourse . Maybe just a touch to facilitate entry, but that's more of a design issue with my body than a lack of natural moisture. This is good since the doctor said while I'm trying to get pregnant I shouldn't be using lube. But during the rest of the month, when we use toys, I need lube. Toys almost always require lube.

Perhaps your new lovers default to lube use because of your talk of how wee you are? Even though you've mentioned that penises aren't a problem, you've also said more than one or two fingers is, and maybe they are just making sure they don't hurt you. Hurt you in a bad way that is. ;)

Re: No need to screen

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Perhaps your new lovers default to lube use because of your talk of how wee you are?

Valid question! But I asked via e-mail, and he said that he's always used it.

[jennasuze.livejournal.com]

The only time I require lube at all is if I'm having frequent sex after a lonng period of no sex. I tend to mm, not revirginize, but definitely tighten up, to the point that getting back in the game is a little ouchie. Even then, I'm plenty wet, but sometimes I need a different quality of wet to keep from chafing.

Feel free to unscreen.

[dandelion-diva.livejournal.com]

I don't *need* it, but I've found that a drop here and there can actually make things feel better. And I swear to ghods, I didn't know it *could* feel any better. But I consider lube a sex toy rather than a necessity.

You can unscreen at will.:)

Gessi

[cheshyre]

Given my FSDs (female sexual dysfunctions) I don't produce much lube at all.

HOWEVER, according to scientists studying the physiology of female sexual anatomy, lubrication is equivalent to erection. Increased bloodflow leads to engorgement, and natural lube is actually some kind of plasma-based derivative. [Sorry, I don't have more details offhand.]


Anyway, I just thought you'd find that interesting.
[Feel free to unscreen]