Thor's Day

[shadesong]

Administration
Hello to new reader intelligentrix!

Medical
Hangin' in. Trip aggravated my eczema, of all things. So... dealing with that and with general aches and malaise.

Course Selection
So last night was course selection at what will soon be Elayna's high school. The chorus vs. band choice will, I am happy to report, be less painful - because there's an after-school a capella group. So she'll take band (as her one ?!? elective), and still get to sing.

My big difficulty last night was in reminding myself that Elayna is not, in fact, mini-me. This is not my second chance at high school (I never really got to go - I got a chunk of ninth grade, no tenth or eleventh, and I served my senior year in a tiny town in Utah). It's her first.

I was school-obsessive, as a kid. Every notebook meticulously organized. A 98% on a test was not good enough, and there'd be a goodly bit of self-flagellation there. This was not healthy, and absolutely belied the same control issues that ushered in the eating disorder. So it's good that she's not like 14-year-old me.

But her being unlike 14-year-old me presents the challenge: how do I best help her find her way, schoolwise? My organizational methods just flat-out do not work. And she's got to get her shit together on that front. The teachers all emphasized last night that the kids need to be organized, they need to not miss any homework - because to do so could put them behind for the whole term. My daughter is brilliant. But these are not her strong points, and she's going to have to buff 'em up tout suite.

...my daughter is not taking honors physics.

I will say to you, dear LJ, what I won't say to her - this kinda breaks my heart a bit. I had always envisioned her sailing through high school with a grin and a quip and grades that reflect her understanding of the subject. And that's not going to be her. Because she is not me. She heard the description of the very hard work involved in honors physics, and she recalled that one of her straight-As-throughout-middle-school friends is getting a C in it, and she took me aside and said, very firmly and sympathetically, "Mommy, I do not think I can do this."

And I had to look at that and agree that, at her current state of homework/organization? No. She can't.

No honors physics for my kidlet.

She'll take honors English, History, Geometry, and Italian III. Those, she feels she can handle, and I agree. Schedule is rounded out by band and the stupid health/wellness course. Her alternate for band will be chorus, but I'm confident she'll get band; the bandleader also leads the strings and combined orchestra at her middle school, so he knows her.

Hold My Hand?
So tomorrow, I have appointments with the new neurologist and the new rheumatologist. First appointments with new specialists are very psychologically grueling for me. It's basically a half hour to an hour of sitting there and quietly justifying your treatment plan to someone who will probably disagree with you and have the power to change your meds with a stroke of their pen.

New readers, I went through years of sheer screaming terrifying hell on anti-seizure meds that gave me side effects that functionally crippled me. Right now, I'm just on Lyrica, which is not approved for monotherapy. It is very likely that tomorrow will see my body experimented with again.

Very likely.

So tomorrow's scary.

I know y'all have day jobs and can't be my advocates during the appointments themselves, but if anyone wants to hang out with me tomorrow night? It would be a mitzvah. Take me out for a drink. I may well need one.

More Joseph Campbell Quotes
"Myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths."

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

Please....
Sponsor me! And spread the word!

Will have to figure out how to entice you. A prize drawing? What would you like? If I get to $500, a voicepost of me reading a story? If I get to $1,000, a drawing for a gift pack? Ideas, people! I want your sponsorship!

Link Soup
* NPR presents a sneak peek at the new Leonard Cohen live album!
* First Ravens in the Library sighting!
* Where the Wild Things Are!

Daily Science
The trio of biomedicine, technology, and wireless communication are in the midst of a merger that will easily bring continuous, 24×7 monitoring of several crucial bodily functions in the years ahead. Unfortunately, as is often the case with medical products, the needed innovations are either already developed or will be soon, but some of the best commercial products won’t make it to the market until years of testing have proven their safety.

In the future your doctor might call you before you have a heart attack, responding to an alarm sent out by monitoring systems in your body that have detected the precursors to a heart attack hours or days ahead of time. With body 2.0, medicine dosages could be tailored precisely to your body chemistry and metabolism. Real-time monitoring of chemical concentrations in your blood could allow for increasing or decreasing dosages accordingly.

Plans
Reading and reviewing. Better get started!

Comments

[themaskmaker.livejournal.com]

Not seeing your kid as your own second chance is so hard!

My kid doesn't like anything about school. Anything at all. He's extremely verbal, and he learns whatever he's interested in with incredible ease. But none of that happens in school.

<-- Is very, very hard for me.

[raptorgirl.livejournal.com]

Hey, I notice you read medical news sites a lot. Would you be able to give me a list of some of your favorites? It's for my freelance writing job...we're always looking for story ideas.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Sure!

http://www.chronicbabe.com/
http://fibroresearch.blogspot.com/
http://www.howtocopewithpain.org

Those are the only ones in my "medical" tab on GoogleReader.. Seed, ScienceDaily, Sciam.com, and PhysNews often post medical stuff, too, though.

[raptorgirl.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Not Mini-Me

[chris-walsh.livejournal.com]

You're being far more self-aware about your reaction to Elayna's high school than a lot of parents. (Or -- *shudder* -- a lot of stage parents.) A tough self-awareness, but a needed one. You're doing the right things, the way you're handling it.

I wish I could be there for drinks and visiting after your doctors' meetings. May I be there in spirit? (And may other of your friends be there in person?)

And...Yay! I got linked! I have my copy of Ravens in my sight, on my desk. I keep looking over at it and giggling.

[ariesd.livejournal.com]

what time are your appts? I have 1 appt tomorrow at 10:30 briefly and then I am free, I can drive and hold hand. I can possible move that appt as well ping me 978-877-2727 or just reply

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Noon at Mount Auburn and 3pm at St. Elizabeth's...

[ariesd.livejournal.com]

I can do both

[lawbabeak.livejournal.com]

DON'T FORGET TO TELL THE NEURO ABOUT THE WEIRD TINGLY/SPACY EPISODE AT THE COFFEE SHOP LAST YEAR!!!! ahem. That wasn't meant to be loud, but rather more excitedly jumping up and down and waving a pen and paper.

Maybe it would help to go through the past year's LJ entries and make a list of significant health weirdnesses? Yes, you have a shit-ton of entries, but the health-related ones tend to stand out (or at least obviously not be WTD or quick notes).

Make a list now and stick it in your purse (or whatever bag you are guaranteed to take with). It'll help you keep focused when you're freaking out tomorrow. It will also help your new docs see your are organized and Know Your Stuff. Many doctors are asses. There ARE doctors who are not asses, and see paying attention to patient's prior experiences as an opportunity to avoid time-wasting experimentation now. You're not in this alone. If Adam can't go with you tomorrow, you might sit down with him tonight to go over the list. This will in part be a fail safe in case you missed something (or there's something that has worried Adam that has not worried you) but also practice for your meeting with the doctors. It's like rehearsing a job interview in front of a mirror, except Adam is cuter and much more fun.

Your cybercommunity will have all sorts of candles lit for you, I'm sure. I'll be sending you calming, focused energy and your doctors open, attentive energy (with a hint of "I'll knock you upside your head if you're not nice to 'song").

You can do it!

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Yes, ma'am!

[chris-walsh.livejournal.com]

You remember to salute?

(I try to help via chuckles, really...)

[ewin.livejournal.com]

Seconded on the writing things down. naamah_darling, way back when she was running the gamut of Horrifying Obgyn's, actually wrote a letter to her prospective doc and handed it to them when she walked into the room. "Please do not do these things to me."

It's nerve-wracking enough being there without also trying to remember stuff.

[talix18.livejournal.com]

Good to know I'm not the only one familiar with that gauntlet. There's a reason I still haven't scheduled my appointment from December...

[devoken.livejournal.com]

...there are doctors who are not asses...

This is true. If this one turns out to be an ass, please let me recommend mine. He takes my input on medications. He explains all of his decisions. Moreover, he is strongly of the opinion that my emotional well-being has to be considered in conjunction with my epilepsy treatment.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

E-mail me his info, just in case? :)

[ginger]

Oi. My daddy taught high school physics for seventeen years. I failed it the first semester and refused to take it the second. He was seriously bummed. But I was so glad that he let me do what *I* wanted to do (history, biology/genetics and languages; I was the first student in my school in some 20-odd years to take French and German simultaneously) instead of what he wanted me to do (chem, physics, trig/calc).

And it's good of you to trust your girl's judgement of her own capabilities. Too many parents don't these days.

Homework/Organization

[dulcinbradbury.livejournal.com]

I'd guess that routine-building might help. (Having no idea what you've tried so far.) Backpack always goes ____. First thing when she gets home is to write any long-term assignments on the calendar. Daily assignment book where she writes all assignments for all classes. Or, one binder with dividers for notes for all classes.

The hardest part of organization is building the habits. Any habit that helps her be more "together" will help.

[thevirtualjim.livejournal.com]

It has been 19 yrs, so maybe this isn't true anymore, but I think it is...

They make you think in HS that its going to be hard, and you have to be uber-organized, etc, and that you can't handle things. So not true. I wasn't every organized, they wanted to keep me out of honours english and social studies because I had bad penmanship.

I graduated 5th out of 1,000 in my HS. HS isn't as hard as they make it seem. If She WANTS to be in hounors, as a parent you can make it happen (my parents told the school I WILL be in honours english and social studies, and I was). And honestly, honours classes arent usually any harder than the regular ones, and they are MUCH more interesting and you are given much more respect and freedom by the teachers.

In 8th grade they had me convinced that honours math was hard, so it was for me, until about 1/2 way through and I realized that it was hard because they talked me into thinking it was hard. Then I realized it was easy.

She should know that how hard or easy others find things do not matter much. Whichever way she convinces herself, thats how its going to be.

I am just speaking from the experience of many of my friends who thought at 1st they coudlnt handle an honours class, then by the end of HS was kicking themselves for not doing it (missed opportunities, easier way of getting higher on the class ranking, better chances at good colleges, etc)

[emilytheslayer.livejournal.com]

If you need company tomorrow night, hit me.

[hnmic.livejournal.com]

I will keep you in me prayers, song. May you be well.

[mightywombat.livejournal.com]

Here's what I would recommend. First, show her this comment from me:

Elayna: I was always a smart kid. In high school, I never studied, and still mostly passed my classes - except my Honors classes. You are a smart kid, and I know you can skate through high school without trying. Here's why you shouldn't: If you haven't developed any study habits, like note-taking, time management, and stuff like that, when you get to college you will find yourself wishing you had. College is like high school, except all the classes are Honors classes and the teachers don't care about you as much. learn to study effectively and both high school AND college will be even easier than they already are.

Now, shadesong, sit her down and find out what kind of organization she wants to try. Look at systems online like GTD or Hipster, and let her try things to see what works for her. Buy her this book to read and let her find her own system, under your guidance and supervision. Don't hover, just check in occsionally. If you let her make a system that is her own, she will be much more likely to use it.

At least, that's what I've found works for me. Invent it yourself, with your needs in mind, and it will work better than anything you could buy. Also? Simpler is way better.

[pbristow.livejournal.com]

" College is like high school, except all the classes are Honors classes and the teachers don't care about you as much. "

I remember that... The shock when I got to uni and wasn't being spoon fed any more. I was just one of 30 kids who was expected to turn up to lectures, hand stuff in, and show up for the final exam, and if I was failing that was my problem and nobody else was going to intervene.

I failed my 2nd year. After a long hard think about why, and about my future, I managed to talk them into letting me re-take the whole year if I could come up with the money. The county council agreed to pay the extra year's tuition fees, but not the maintenance grant (living expenses, rent etc.). For the first time, I went and got a summer job because I *needed* the money, not 'cos people said I should, and saved up as much as I could for the year ahead (not a lot). And I was *very* lucky to have a pal who suddenly became wealthy enough to fund me the equivalent of a standard maintenance grant, and who was impressed enough with my change of attitude to invest that much in me.

I got through the re-take year by focussing on the stuff that I'd been bewildered by and not bothered to work at the first time round - basically all the quantum stuff. I already knew I could pass the acoustics stuff, so instead of sinking my time into those, I just turned up to the lectures, *listened*, and actually helped out the other students occasionally (chipping in analogies or real life examples, mostly).

By the end of the year, I *still* didn't understand the quantum stuff, but I had a much better handle on what it was that I didn't understand, and why, and could write down the main crazy-complex equations that I didn't understand and explain what some of the terms meant. And that got me a barely acceptable mark on those few papers, which therefore didn't drag my total down enough to make my overall grade a fail.

Mercifully, the final year had much less quantum and much more acoustics. A came out the end with 3rd class honours... And a system of organising my work and life which worked OK-ishly, and kept me going (with minor changes) for several more years, right up until my employers started trying to teach me "better" ways that just didn't work for me (I know realise a lot of that was to do with my short-term memory/distractability isues, that those methods just didn't allow for), and it all decended into chaos. =:o\

GTD is the first system I've seen that incorporates some of the stuff I had to learn the hard way, such as organising your "things to do" according to context. (e.g. A list of things that need to be done while you're sitting at your desk is no use while you're out at the shops, and vice versa.) Alas, my past experience of trying to adopt new systems (I keep flashing back to old systems I've tried in the past and just getting more confused) means I've made no progrses with adopting it. Every time I try to get myself organised now, I start out with one plan in mind and then find I've switched to a different one partway through. It's... annoying. So yeah, Id say find your own system, refine it if you can, but don't let anyone else bully you into doing it *their* way. If an employer insists you follow certain organisational procedures, then do the paperwork the way they require, but keep your *own* system going in parallel rather than trying to switch over, or you'll just get lost. Especially when the employer decides to switch their system around just when everyone had nearly got the hang of it... =:o{

[lifecollage.livejournal.com]

As a non-math-oriented ex-honors student, I just have to comment:

Honors Physics?? In freshman year??? I barely scraped together an A in it by junior year, at the same time I was not quite failing Honors Pre-Calc. I throw my unequivocal support behind your decision to honor E's wishes on this (not that you need my approval, but I think you value it ;^). It's awesome that she can recognize where her energies are best focused and stand up for what she thinks is the right choice. Bravo to her and to you both!

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

It's awesome that she can recognize where her energies are best focused and stand up for what she thinks is the right choice.

It was brave of her! She knew it wasn't what I wanted to hear, but she stuck up for herself. I admire her like crazy for that.

(I do value it. :) )

[random-girl.livejournal.com]

My family required that you got good grades. That you did not have as much a right to talk at the dinner table if you got B's. That you were a bad person if you didn't pursue education.

My brother failed out. My sister was valedictorian. I fell somewhere in between. We all rebel against parental expectations. Primarily because as teenagers we're trying to forge our own way in the world.

What I would have liked was someone to support that. Theoretically, these can be pretty fun years of your life. You get trusted with new responsibilities and liberties. You have space to figure out what you think about things (and classes in school emphasize self-analysis). I got sick of being treated like a kid in school, and I learned quickly that straight A's or B's enough to get by so I could do fun stuff were rewarded the same: as if I was untrustable. So why bother to achieve?

I don't have a teenage daughter, so the advice I give is only what I thought would work when I was in high school. Sit down with Elana and ask her what works for her and what doesn't, and then support her in playing to her strengths and exploring her weakenesses SAFELY. Too often people concentrate, not on what we are proud of, but on what we need help with. Yes, that usually does require more effort and time, but resentment breeds there. Teenagers have a ton of people forcing their ideas on them at the same time they are being encouraged to formulate their own. Getting better at things you are not good at is a good idea, and now is the time to do it, but not at the expense of morale, happiness, and a view to the future.

When I was in college, I sat in class, crippled, because I'd gotten a C on a paper for the first time. The lady next to me, a returning student with kids my age, frowned at me and said "Honey, when was the last time a job interviewer asked you what you got on your sixth week of linguistics class paper?"

So, yeah. Talk to Elana. Keep in mind what will really matter in 4 years when she goes to college, and in 10 years when she's out. Let her set the direction, and keep her honest about the direction she set. If she's just plain bad at remembering things, its good to know; now is the time to accept shortcomings and brainstorm ways to work around them. The tools you develop in high school are the tools you are likely to lean on for the rest of your academic career.

Anyway. That got long. My apologies. Good luck!

[ultra-lilac.livejournal.com]

It's way better that you're accepting her for the student she is and not trying to force her into your own way of doing things.

I wish my parents had been as understanding!
There's nobody but yourself to blame if you do badly in college, but it's a big waste of time being forced to do subjects you don't have the drive or desire to succeed in, instead of taking something 'easier' you'd do well in.

So says the eternal art student :-)

[spc476.livejournal.com]

My advice? As hard is it might be, let her fail!

You're there reminding her of everything she needs to do. Homework. Studying. Projects. And it sounds like she's expecting you to back her up, keep her in line, all the time.

But you won't be there in college. And it'll be even harder then.

So let her fail. Now. In 9th grade, when she still has time to make it up.

Also, recent research has shown that whatever you do, do not praise her intelligence, but praise her hard work. To this day, I'm still fighting when I come across something hard. I'm intelligent, and everyone, family, friends, always told me I was intelligent, with the expectation that I should be able to do anything I come across because I'm intelligent.

What sunk in was: If I can't do it, it's because I'm not smart enough. Therefore, I should avoid this because I'm not smart enough to handle it, and thus I won't get the validation I seek (being smart).

And much kudos to you for realizing Elayna is not a mini-you. I can see that being hard in and of itself.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Speaking of the eczema, did the package I sent arrive okay?

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

It did, thank you! I'm sorry I forgot to mention...

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

I'm glad! Does it help?

[sarapada.livejournal.com]

I got my copy of Ravens a couple of days ago, and... the cover is upside down. I haven't heard anyone else say this about theirs - was it purposeful (addressing both `song and the audience)? I'm actually sort of thrilled about it - it makes it feel even more tricksy and mysterious and adventurous and special, and if it's just mine, all the better.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Erk! I'll tell the editors.

[damiana-swan.livejournal.com]

Yipes! Yours is, er, definitely unique. It was not intentional and we'll replace it if you like, but if you're happy with it that's fine too. Could you please send mail to ravensinthelibrary@gmail and let us know?

[sarapada.livejournal.com]

Sent!

[supremegoddess1.livejournal.com]

Temporary bragging, to make a point.

I am a certified, WAIS-III tested genius. I was the captain of every academically oriented team competition through most of middle school and high school.

And I can't do Physics to save my life. I got talked into taking Honors Physics in college, and it was the first and only D in my life. I lost my scholarship for a semester because of Honors Physics.

Your daughter is gifted in so very many things. Physics doesn't have to be one of them.

[pbristow.livejournal.com]

Speaking as someone who barely survived a Physics degree and hasn't used it since: Physics needs to be loved for how cool and amazing and useful it is, more than it needs to be hated for much hard work it all is. She can always go back to it later if she wants to. Meanwhile, those of us who understand it well enough to understand why no one really understands it properly - and that *that's OK* - have our part to play in spreading the love. =:o}