![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So. She didn't win.
Our hopes were high, we were really excited, and then they left the rooms and came to the cafeteria for pizza, and she showed us her test worksheets, and we knew right then.
It's not that she didn't know the answers, she DID. It's that she dawdled.
We know dawdling is a problem for her. The teacher's spoken to us about it. But I didn't know it was this bad. She had 20 minutes to do each test... and she answered maybe 8 questions per test, average. And she knows all of the answers, I quizzed her on the later questions and she gave me the right answers *immediately*. She just sat there and daydreamed and didn't write them down.
When they called the names of the top 25 scorers and her name wasn't called, my eyes filled with tears. I didn't let her see.
She should have been up there.
And I told her I'd be happy as long as she did her best, but, dammit, she DIDN'T. So all I could do was say that I was glad she'd tried, but I knew she would have gotten a trophy if she hadn't dawdled.
I don't want to be my mother. My mother would get hostile and bitchy at me if I got a 95% on a test, because I was supposed to get 100% every single time. I'm not going to do that to Elayna.
I'm crying now because I know that she can do it, but she didn't and she doesn't care. But I won't let her see.
I just wanted her to try her best.
Our hopes were high, we were really excited, and then they left the rooms and came to the cafeteria for pizza, and she showed us her test worksheets, and we knew right then.
It's not that she didn't know the answers, she DID. It's that she dawdled.
We know dawdling is a problem for her. The teacher's spoken to us about it. But I didn't know it was this bad. She had 20 minutes to do each test... and she answered maybe 8 questions per test, average. And she knows all of the answers, I quizzed her on the later questions and she gave me the right answers *immediately*. She just sat there and daydreamed and didn't write them down.
When they called the names of the top 25 scorers and her name wasn't called, my eyes filled with tears. I didn't let her see.
She should have been up there.
And I told her I'd be happy as long as she did her best, but, dammit, she DIDN'T. So all I could do was say that I was glad she'd tried, but I knew she would have gotten a trophy if she hadn't dawdled.
I don't want to be my mother. My mother would get hostile and bitchy at me if I got a 95% on a test, because I was supposed to get 100% every single time. I'm not going to do that to Elayna.
I'm crying now because I know that she can do it, but she didn't and she doesn't care. But I won't let her see.
I just wanted her to try her best.
no subject
But when she runs across something that is really worth it to her to do, maybe she will try harder. I don't know how she feels about her score; you didn't say. But you DID say that you wanted her to have fun, and maybe just competing this time was fun enough...?
*hugz*